This is one of the most personal projects I've ever undertaken, poetry and print, in response diaries and writing of my Grandmother's, recently deceased at the time of starting the project, that I found in her writing desk, bequeathed to me in her will.
The book was divided up into 3 sections; Effort, Memory, Irresponsibility. The 3 stages I felt described grief in the aftermath of trauma and death.
Effort: because sometimes the overwhelming sense of grief means even opening your eyes in the morning is an effort.
Memory: the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Irresponsibility: comes from a conversation between me and mum about how when you're caring for someone sometimes that irresponsible glass of wine is the only sanity you get. How patronising it can be to be called irresponsible when you are constantly relied on to be the only responsible person around.
My mother cared for my stepdad for nearly 10 years until his death from frontal-lobe aphasia in 2016. She also wrote and responded to this project although, for personal reasons, I have kept any text below as my own responses to their story and my own emotions.
I include a video here of the journal in full as displayed at my final MA show